


Jedi Master Bantha

by MissPatate



Series: How Jedi Master Bantha saved the Galaxy [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Fix-It, Fun, Master/Padawan Bonding, Mentally deaged Obi-Wan, Stupid is as stupid does, crackfic, force vision
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26026594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissPatate/pseuds/MissPatate
Summary: Obi-Wan is mentally deaged and things happen ...
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: How Jedi Master Bantha saved the Galaxy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889173
Comments: 8
Kudos: 53





	Jedi Master Bantha

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you'll enjoy this small funny OS :)

Obi-Wan is a Jedi. The Jedi do not value possessions and comfort. They have a very down-to-earth way of life and do not pay attention to such trivial things like good food or beautiful clothes. But it doesn’t imply that they cannot indulge themself. And, for Obi-Wan, the better way to indulge himself is tea. He likes tea. He loves tea. So, when he is at the Temple and his reserve diminishes, he doesn’t hesitate to make the trip to the better tea shop in whole Coruscant -according to him.

He choses carefully the flavours and, once satisfied, goes to the checkout. He gives the due credits to the cashier and leaves. The shop is located not far from the Senate. Looking at the imposing building, Obi-Wan remembers he told his friend Bail Organa that he would visit him as soon as possible. He knows that the senator is currently at his office and decides it would be the right time to do so. With the war going on, the general doesn’t have too many opportunities to be on Coruscant.

His steps are light and suddenly, he feels as if the world around him is disappearing. His head hurts and he drops his bag. He puts a hand on his forehead and, a few seconds later, collapses. His body loudly hits the floor as he succumbs to the unconsciousness. 

He feels as if he is burning, he feels hatred and servitude. He feels death. The visions come in succession, each one more painful and powerful than the previous one. It hurts intensely. He thinks he is dying and cannot fight back the darkness that is overwhelming him.

When the redhead finally wakes up, he pukes. The content of his stomach is now on the floor and a lot of worried eyes are observing him. He unceremoniously wipes his mouth with his sleeve and looks around: all these people, it is really oppressive.

“Did somebody call an ambulance?” Someone asks, and the Jedi only shakes his head. 

“I don’t want to go to the hospital. Beeeuh hospital. Beuuuh.” He simply and childishly states, before getting to his feet and running away. 

Quickly, his bouncing pace brings him in front of a magnificent shop window. There are a lot of colors and lights. It is full of various toys, and amidst them, a cuddly toy draws his attention to itself. 

“Wow!” Obi-Wan shouts, his eyes shining. “I want it!” He exclaims, and enters the shop.

The toy in question is a flashy pink bantha with deep green mouth and horns. 

His cheeks are red and his eyes down when the seller - a young woman in her twenties - talks to him. 

“Hello, Mister, how can I help you?” she asks, and the child-in-an-adult-body only shyly points the bantha out with his finger. 

She raises an eyebrow, but doesn't comment, and retrieves the toy from the shop front. “Do you want a gift package for it?”

With wide eyes, Obi-Wan simply shakes his head.

“Ok. Fifty credits, please.”

The man plunges his hand into one of his pockets and joyfully drops his money on the counter. 

The woman takes it and waits. She sees that his interlocutor isn’t making any gesture to add more credits to the already given sum of money.

“I’m sorry but there are only thirty credits here, Mister.” She explains.

“Oh.” Obi-Wan searches his pockets, but he has nothing more. He shrugs. “My daddy will pay later.” He tries with pleading eyes and a soft grin. 

His interlocutor stands still, taping the counter nervously.

“Is this a joke? Really, that isn’t funny,  _ Master Jedi _ .” She finally bursts out. “To dress up as a jedi and bother the respectable shopkeepers is a really bad idea. Is it a hidden camera?” She sighs. “Hahaha. Haha.” She says in an annoyed tone. “We laughed very much. Now: do you take this toy or not?”

Obi-Wan noisily swallows. He looks at the bantha. He looks at the seller. He looks at the bantha again. At the seller again. He grins, grabs the cuddly pet and runs. 

“Hey! Come back, you thief!” The woman cries out, desperately following him. The childish adult can feel her anger as he runs as quickly as his legs allow him to. He goes in the direction of the Senate building and is already climbing the huge stone stairs when the woman catches up with him. Obi-Wan holds the bantha against his chest and stops. “That’s my friend the bantha!” He exclaims. “You won’t get him back!”    
The woman gets closer, fire gleaming in her eyes. 

“Don’t try it! I have the high ground!” The Jedi tells her, with virulence.

Suddenly, she flies meters away, suffering a powerful force-push.

Obi-Wan’s eyes widen as he looks at his toy. “Wooow. You’re a Jedi! Jedi Master Bantha!”

Another woman, a short brunette with an awfully complicated hairstyle, arrives at that very moment. She helps the seller to stand up and glances at him. “Master Kenobi? What happened?” She asks, staring at the bantha in his hands. 

“Padmé!” Somehow, he remembers her. “This is Jedi Master Bantha, this is my friend, and this horrible woman wants to separate us!”

“Tell your friend his joke isn’t funny! He stole that toy!” The shopkeeper tells the senator, shaking her head, trying to calm down. “And I think he broke my ankle!” She finally adds. “What the kriff!”

Master Kenobi hides behind Padmé who is completely speechless, her arms dangling at her sides.

“Obi-Wan?” She finally asks. 

The man only shrugs, his cheeks becoming red again. “But this is my friend and she didn’t want to give him to me. She sells him in a store. It’s slavery!”

“What are you talking about, Master Kenobi?” Padmé raises her eyebrows and folds her arms.

Obi-Wan starts to cry. “I just wanted my friend, but I didn't have enough credits!”

The senator of Naboo understands now. She isn’t talking to Obi-Wan Kenobi, the High Councilor, but to a child. A small and afraid child, who just stole a toy. Before she can speak again, the young man steps in. 

“Do you have twenty credits?” He asks, a large malicious smile on his lips. The woman sighs and gets the money from her bag. She hands it to the seller, who takes it violently. If she can avoid a scandal in front of the Senate, twenty credits are worth it.

“I should call the police. This friend of yours is dangerous. He is crazy, he must be locked up in a psychiatric facility! ” She comments. 

“Oh no! Please! I will handle it!” Padmé explains. “Please!” The other looks at her a few seconds and shrugs.

“Okay, but I warned you! And it will cost fifty more credits for my injury! ” With these words, Padmé gives her the asked sum of money and the woman flies away. Padmé can’t help but notice that her ankle doesn't seem as broken as she implied. 

The senator turns around and glares at the red-haired Jedi. “Obi-Wan? Why are you acting like that?”

“Like what?” He asks, hugging the stuffed bantha and giving it a kiss. 

“Like a child!”

He opens his mouth and laughs. “But I’m five years old!” He replies, hopping on-site. “Can we visit the big building?” He asks, indicating the Senate. “Jedi Master Bantha is curious! It looks huuuuugeeee!” 

Now, people are ostensibly glaring at them. 

“No, no, it’s not a good idea.” Padmé answers, giving innocent smiles to the senators and passers-by. She leans forward. 

“Oh. Okay.” He says -and his interlocutor looks really relieved. She grabs his hand to bring him to a speeder taxi. They sit in the back.

“Padmé?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for saving Jedi Master Bantha.” He says, putting his head on her shoulder and closing his eyes. 

“Oh dear…” Padmé whispers. “What did he do this time?”

  
  


**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Anakin is furious.  _ It can’t be true!  _ He thinks, running a hand through his dark hair. The Chancellor told him minutes ago that Obi-Wan was seen holding hands with a senator, in front of the Senate. And not any senator, no, but Padmé Amidala. But his wife couldn’t do something like that to him! Let alone in front of the Senate!

He reaches the 500 Republica in a devastating mood. He is irritated and jealousy rises in his chest as he enters the apartment. 

“Angel?” He says loudly. “What is this story about Obi-Wan…” And there, he sees his Master, his head on Padmé’s lap, fully asleep. Bit by bit, the rage chokes him until he realizes that something is off. Obi-Wan holds a horrendous pink stuffed bantha toy, and sucks his thumb. The young Knight frowns. 

“Shhhh! You’re going to wake him!” Padmé chastises him. 

“What the Sith hell is going on?” He asks, trying to whisper, but his astonishment is too big to keep his voice any quieter.

“I don’t know. I found him in this condition today. I tried to contact you, but you didn’t answer your comlink.” She explains, giving him a mad look. “I was about to take him to the Temple, but… I finally preferred to wait for you.”

“Why is he hugging this thing?” He asks, pointing the toy out.

At that very moment, Obi-Wan starts to move. He blinks a few times and turns his head in the Jedi’s direction.

"Oh Anakin! You’re here! I was lost near this very big building and Padme helped me. She gave us blue milk and cookies ! Do you want some ? Do you want to play with us? Do you know Jedi Master Bantha is the first Bantha to become a Jedi in the Order’s History ?"

Anakin raises his eyebrows, and looks at his former Master, incredulous.

“Jedi Master Bantha?” He finally asks, not knowing what else to say.

Obi-Wan only smiles. 

“Okay, we’re going to the Temple. We need to talk to the Council and to see the healers.” Ani decides. There is no way he will babysit his former teacher.

Obi-Wan stands up and grabs a cookie from a plate on the table. He chews it ostensibly. 

“Oh yeah! Did you hear that, Master Bantha? You’re going to see your friends!” He speaks with his mouth full, spitting crumbs out. And Anakin facepalms. 

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

As intended, Obi-Wan is brought before the Council. He stands in the middle of the circle, as the masters observe him and his bantha. Some of them are attending the meeting in the form of blue holograms. Anakin explains the situation while the "child" smiles at each Jedi in a row.

Obi-Wan’s eyes fall on the GrandMaster and the boy laughs. “You’re so funny, Master Yoda!” He says.

“Oh yes, and why, that is ?” The troll asks, smirking, amused. 

“Because you’re small, tiny, green and wrinkled! You look like a baby human! But green and with weird ears. And old. You’re like an old baby!” 

Mace shakes his head and Anakin takes the opportunity to lecture Obi-Wan. He always wanted to do that at least once in his life. "Obi ! You can't speak like that to growns-up! You must respect Master Yoda !" He says, frowning and moving his hand. 

"But I respect small old babies !" His interlocutor simply answers. Kenobi gets closer to his assigned chair and puts the bantha on it. 

"Jedi Master Bantha is on the Council, you know?"

Yoda giggles. "Is he?" He asks. And Obi nods seriously, a focus air on his face. He detaches his lightsaber from his belt and places it next to the toy.

"Do you know what could induce this ?" Mace Windu asks Anakin and the knight presses his lips. 

"No, I have no idea. Obi-Wan didn't say anything. It is hard to make him speak, he always jumps from pillar to post. The only thing I know for sure is that Pa… er...I mean…. Senator Amidala found him this morning at the Senate. Apparently, he had a clash with a shopkeeper."

Anakin hesitates but doesn't say that the redhead stole his jedi bantha.

"Hmmm. Troubling this is." Yoda comments. 

"Obi-Wan, sweety…" Plo Koon speaks for the first time since the beginning of the meeting. "Do you remember what happened to you?"

"Yes. I ate cookies."

"Oh that's great, but before that? This morning, someone shouted at you.. do you remember?"

His interlocutor nods shyly, rubbing his beard.

"What happened before that?"

Obi-Wan looks down. "Something hurt me."

"Oh? Do you know what?"

The man starts crying and stamping. "No." He says. "No no no no no no !" He continues, grabbing his head and running to Anakin. 

"It's okay, young one." Master Koon tries to reassure him, giving him a lightful smile.

His interlocutor looks at him with bright eyes.

"Master Plo! Can I sit on your lap?" He finally asks.

"Oh, you are a big boy now, and I'm not young anymore. I'm afraid you're too heavy."

"Oh." Obi-Wan interjects, disappointed.

"You should go to the healers now, maybe they will find out what...hm… affected him mentally." The Korun Master concludes.

Anakin bows and indicates to Obi-Wan to follow him. The man looks at his bantha, anxiously.

"Other matters to attend, the councilors have. Master Bantha and I, later, join you, we will, hmmm." Yoda says. 

His interlocutor smiles and leaves the room, right on Skywalker's heels. 

As soon as the doors close, Mace pinches the bridge of his nose. "Why is this always Kenobi?"

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Master Vokara Che looks at the sleeping "baby" jedi in front of her, his thumb in his mouth. He looks so vulnerable in spite of his thirty-seven years and his beard. A mind healer named Galiena, a Twi'lek too, is standing next to her. 

Master Yoda, as promised, came, bringing the stuffed toy with him. 

"So, how is he? What's going on?" Anakin presses, impatiently.

"We never saw this at the Temple before, but we think that we have an explanation. Something terrible happened to him this morning. He created this child personality to protect himself, to save his mind from the shock." Knight Galiena tells them. 

Anakin's eyes widen. 

"Did...did someone.. hurt him?" He asks, clenching his fists.

"He has no new injuries, so we think about a vision." Master Che instantly answers. "It's not abnormal to display a strange behaviour after a powerful vision."

"Is he… is there a chance that he will come back to himself?" Anakin thinks he can't survive a lifetime with this Obi around him. He is a kind child but he speaks a lot… and can't concentrate more than ten minutes at once. And yeah a child looking like a thirty-six years old man with a beard, it's something really -really- weird. On top of that, he already misses his friend.

Galiena nods.

"We think so. He needs a familiar environment and we absolutely must avoid rushing him. We tried and it hurt him really badly. We must act as if he was really a five years old little boy. The cuddly bantha represents the true Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi Master. It’s a kind of projection. So, it is important that he remains with it."

Yoda smiles. “Knight Skywalker, take care of his Master, he will. Grounded to the Temple, for now, you will be.”

Anakin’s shoulders drop.  _ That’s my luck. _

  
  


**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

These last days were awful. Obi-Wan is really sneaking in the whole Temple. It’s literally a small monster! 

Fortunately, the Jedi master seems to remember how to wash himself and use the toilet. Oh dear, otherwise, it would be embarrassing. 

“Stop sucking your thumb! It’s gross! You didn’t even wash your hands today!” Anakin exclaims looking at Obi-Wan who is frantically drawing something. The Flimsiplast is expensive but Obi-Wan loves writing in old Flimsi notebooks since his padawan years, so he has some sheets in his quarters. 

The redhead pulls his finger out of his mouth and grins. 

“It’s for you!” He says, giving two Flimsiplast cards to his friend. The dark-haired man takes the gift and examines it. On the first drawing, there is a young man and some children. The man wears Jedi dark robes and is clearly slaughtering the kids with a blue lightsaber. The poor children are dismembered.

“That’s you when you kill the younglings.” Obi-Wan explains, proudly. He indicates to his brother to look at the second sheet. On this one, there is an imposing dark figure, really frightening. It wears a mask and has a large black cloak. It seems like a machine. 

“That’s you too.” Obi-Wan says. “It’s after I cut off your limbs and let you burn to death. But, unfortunately, you survived.”

Anakin’s mouth is entirely opened with astonishment, his eyes wide, as he repeats: “Unfortunately survived?” He rubs his temples, closing his eyes a moment. “Thank you, Obi-Wan, your drawings are beautiful but… Why would you want to cut off my limbs and let me burn?” He asks. Oh Force, his Master is a hidden psychopath. 

His interlocutor sticks his tongue out, and continues drawing as if nothing happened.

Knight Skywalker frowns. Is that a part of the vision that let Obi-Wan in his current condition? 

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Anakin has an appointment with the Chancellor, and he is grateful for that fact, he will have some rest from all this madness. He left Obi-Wan with Padmé. At least, he thought he did. As soon as he enters the building, a stuffed pink bantha appears in his sight. 

“Yes! We’re going to visit the big building!” The Jedi Master exclaims, hugging his toy. 

“Obi-Wan! What are you doing here? I told you to…”

He can’t finish his sentence, because the grown child speaks again. 

“That’s really huge! There are so many rooms! Wow!”

Oh no. Anakin turns around, ready to bring his friend back to the 500 Republica and to tell the Chancellor that he will be late, but a familiar voice cuts him on his track. 

“Anakin, my boy!” The leader of the Republic exclaims, as he gets closer to the two men. “And Master Kenobi.” He greets the other Jedi. 

"Chancellor." Anakin says, bowing respectfully. "Master Kenobi and I have a little issue to resolve, I'm really sorry but I need to go and I will come back later…" He explains, grabbing Obi-Wan by his wrist, pushing a Force-suggestion through their bond to keep him quiet. 

"Oh I'm afraid that later, I won’t be able to see you. I have an important meeting. Come now, and report to me your previous battle information. There was not much left to discuss the last time you came."

Anakin grit his teeth. There is no way-out. He silently follows the chancellor into his office. 

“Don’t say a word.” He orders Obi-Wan.

“Why?” The other asks, whispering.

“We play a new game, okay? It’s ‘shut up’, if you don’t speak, you win.”

“And what do I win?”

“A big cookie.”

“Oh yes!”

Once on-site, he tells the different details of his previous mission as the chancellor eyes with perplexity the toy in Master Kenobi’s hand. 

“Are you alright, Master Jedi?” The old man finally asks, in a honeyed and soft tone, addressing the older of the two knights. 

Obi-Wan suspiciously looks at him in silence, but before Anakin can answer on his behalf, he breaks the rules of their game. 

"I don't like you. You're ugly and old and you stink. You feel evil." Obi-Wan says and Anakin panics. Their interlocutor glares at the Jedi as if he just saw a third arm growing on his head. "Master Bantha…" the childish adult whispers in the ear of his cuddly toy "This is an enemy… This is a sith lord. But we have a problem : you don't have your lightsaber. We need to retreat. I repeat: we need to retreat."

Palpatine shakes his head. “What is he talking about? What is going on with him?”

Anakin steps in, hiding his friend behind his back.

“I’m sorry, Chancellor, don’t take it personally. He’s ill. He doesn’t act like himself.” Then, the young man adds: “You must keep this information about his condition secret, as you can understand, Chancellor. He was not supposed to follow me here.”

The old man raises an eyebrow.

“Oh I see. Of course, my boy, of course.” Palpatine says, grinning. “Can I ask what happened?”

“It’s a Force thing. But, basically, he is a child.” 

“Oh. I hope he will get well soon…” Palpatine replies, a very large malicious smile on his lips.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Back at Padmé’s apartment, there is a drama. Obi-Wan is crying his eyes out.

“Jedi Master Bantha!” He shouts in vain. It’s been a whole hour since the young woman tries to reassure him. 

“It’s the old ugly man! He kidnapped him! We must rescue him!”

“The old ugly man?” She asks, looking at her husband, who just returned from meditation.

“That’s how he calls the Chancellor.”

“Oh. That’s rude.” The brunette comments, laughing. 

And together, they search for the unfortunate pet, but, unfortunately, with no good result. 

“You had it when we were coming back!” Anakin yells for the hundredth time.

“No! I’m sure it’s the old prick!”

“Language, Obi-Wan!” Another thing he wanted to say to his Master for a long time. Jedi do not condone revenge, but Anakin must confess to like it in this case. It’s delightful. 

The child folds his arms, and pouts. “You are mean. I don’t like you anymore!” He announces. 

Anakin rolls his eyes. “Yeah yeah, that’s it.”

At that very moment, Obi-Wan runs to the balcony and jumps to a speeder taxi. 

Ani holds his breath and Padmé puts her hands on the top of her head. 

“He’ll have an accident!” She exclaims. “We must go after him!”

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Obi-Wan is so happy! He succeeded to lose his caretakers and to sneak into the Senate building. Hidden in the vents, he painfully reaches the room in which he thinks he will find his cuddly friend. 

He opens the metal gate and jumps to the office. Now, it’s time to rummage through it. 

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

The couple finally finds Obi-Wan in Palpatine’s office. They apologise for the man’s behaviour and get him back to the apartment. The stuffed bantha is finally found: it was in the ‘fresher…

“You see? Nobody kidnapped your bantha. Go wash your hands, your teeths and to bed!” Anakin orders. 

Obi-Wan does as asked. But before going to sleep, he pulls out from his large pocket a silver cylinder. He pushes a button and a red light gets to life. 

Padmé drops her teacup at the sight, and Anakin immediately uses the Force to take the object in his hand. 

"Where did you find that ?" He asks, glaring incredulously at the weapon.

"In the old ugly man’s office." Obi-Wan casually responds. 

Padmé and Anakin share a look.

On the table, there is a drawing of Palpatine throwing lightning to Mace Windu.

“I need to see the Council, now.” He says. 

At that point, Obi-Wan falls unconscious on the floor. 

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

_ Two days later. _

Ashoka comes back from her meditative retreat. The Togruta wears a joyful smile on her face, as she enters his grandmaster and master’s shared quarters. 

"Did I miss something, Master?" She asks.

"Oh, nothing, really. Just the arrest of Palpatine, who actually was the Sith lord and behind the two sides of the war. Ah! And Obi-Wan hugging a monstrous stuffed bantha, sucking his thumb and crying for no good reason. Another happy week!"

Obi-Wan opens his eyes, waking up from a long - very long- nap. He stares lengthily at the cuddly toy in his arms.

"Oh dear, what’s that? This thing looks awful." He comments. And everybody starts to laugh. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Baby Obi-Wan and Jedi Master Bantha love kudos and comments! So please, make them happy :D
> 
> There will be other OS about Jedi Master Bantha. For now, I have these ones in mind:  
>  \- Dooku captures Baby Obi-Wan to make him his apprentice.   
> \- The detailed story about the vents and Palpatine catching Obi-Wan  
> If you want to read something specific, tell me! :)


End file.
